if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
