Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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