Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
