Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
