1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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