Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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