i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
