Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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