I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
