i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
