is your mom at the bar?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
