Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
