I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
