I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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