I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
