i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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