how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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