Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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