Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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