So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
