it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need to sanitize my soul.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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