Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Is it penis luge time yet?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
