did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
