..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
