sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
