I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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