I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
