I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
