What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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