did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish you could order shots online.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
