So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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