The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
