Ambien. No doubt about it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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