I'm going to jail i love you
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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