I can text with my tongue
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
