Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize