I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
