Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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