She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
