Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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