i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
