Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
