Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
