Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
