clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
