Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
