He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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