Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
