Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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