Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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