i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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