I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
