I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
