OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
