My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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