Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
