I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
