Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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