she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
that's an acceptable place to lick
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
