She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
