i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
