I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
