I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
