I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
