I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
