i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
