Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"

  (1-916): View more from California

  High five!

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  (916): Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?" (1-916): High five! http://tfl.nu/3w1i
  Replies (2) Good night (2677) Bad night (546)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame

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  (508): dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move (617): that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame http://tfl.nu/79g6
  Replies (15) Good night (6727) Bad night (814)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.

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  (231): i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister. http://tfl.nu/u6ro
  Replies (20) Good night (1078) Bad night (4780)
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  (+44): View more from England

  He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.

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  (+44): He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober. http://tfl.nu/8esm
  Replies (70) Good night (1811) Bad night (7677)
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  (626): View more from California

  and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22

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  (626): and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22 http://tfl.nu/80gs
  Replies (3) Good night (3236) Bad night (1101)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.

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  (316): Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all. http://tfl.nu/i7x5
  Replies (5) Good night (1178) Bad night (1215)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.

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  (912): Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother. http://tfl.nu/sdoi
  Replies (14) Good night (928) Bad night (3313)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week

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  (312): Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week http://tfl.nu/5mzo
  Replies (12) Good night (1747) Bad night (678)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like my freshman wet dream come true

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  (412): it's like my freshman wet dream come true http://tfl.nu/8b08
  Replies (3) Good night (1031) Bad night (449)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.

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  (440): Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick. http://tfl.nu/gh2j
  Replies (5) Good night (1306) Bad night (573)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind

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  (303): I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind http://tfl.nu/1u44
  Replies (15) Good night (3762) Bad night (621)
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  (925): View more from California

  I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great

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  (925): I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great http://tfl.nu/slai
  Replies (1) Good night (707) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"

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  (843): It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?" http://tfl.nu/owjc
  Replies (3) Good night (826) Bad night (464)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.

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  (540): A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be. http://tfl.nu/g1v3
  Replies (0) Good night (415) Bad night (259)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job

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  (240): I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job http://tfl.nu/fm2s
  Replies (3) Good night (262) Bad night (158)

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