no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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