Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene