walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance