hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
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I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009