Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
