Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
