there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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