just come out here and I will go home with you...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
