No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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