I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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