I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
