Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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