We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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