i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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