Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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