she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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