were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
