If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
