that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
