i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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