how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
