He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
