Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
