YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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